bakon vodka drips

i know i’ll wait
but i’m just not sure why
its weird; i cant lie
the spoon’s too short
for the graduated cylinder
…
sorry
just so uncomfortable now
looked through them all
and only saw those
I had never seen before
…
it looks so finite
a point indiscriminate
not safer? more likely
still magnetic
if its that easy
why can’t i go get it
…
float with the current
downstream
no dream
so please
just tell me what you mean

the trust is there
even if i deny
deny that i am
too mechanical
logical
naturally biological
…
i’m trying
and we know
we’re both flawed
i’m scarred
and that’s all
i scared.
that’s all
…
do i feel?
selfishly
do i feel nothing at all?
do i feel at all
or just duplicity
**10 point word score**
…
i’m older now than my brother
when he passed away
and even now
it kills me
to this day
i have done
nothing with my life
and he was…
idk
…
this pain
no one should see
push me
away
so close
the ledge
…
i am so tired
the trying
just to pretend
to be that someone
i am not
in the end
its exhausting

Why am i pretending? (What?)
to be comfortable
that’s their thing
a constant elude
just out of reach
never really found
peace
inside
i do not know
…