i am empty. the whole thing. void.

the one thing who was there for me for over five years. my best friend. he’s dying.

Tonight I’m freakin’ out again
Tonight I’m thinkin’ so low
All I wanted was a friend all I’ve got is no one
Tonight I’ll sleep alone I won’t sleep at all
My heart isn’t alive

Right now I’m sinking further down
Right now I’m breaking inside
A long drive to see you lie in bed
A long ride wishing for your life
Tonight I’ll stay with you
And I will get us through

My heart ripped from my chest
Too late I hope not for this
My heart isn’t alive
My arms carry the weight
Two hands folded yet straight
My arms closed in a prayer for you

Nauseous – preparing for the worst
Cautious repairing open wounds
Yet somehow believing in a chance
It’ll turn out to be another test
And you’ll come back again

You’re lost in the woods they say to me

I just sit there, and let the thoughts flood
And I remind myself: “it’s all right, it’s all good, it’s all love”
It’s not though. Cuz there’s a kink in the armor
A pot hole I’m sinking in, while I think of the drama
So I stand up, I start to pace in my living room
Set my eye to the highway, knowing that I’ll play chicken soon
There’s a vanity plate, with my name on it
There’s a Davy Crocket hat with a Masonic fat cat under it
A musket rifle spitting at my feet
They want me to dance in the middle of the street
And I respect my elders, so I do as I’m told
But I offset the bell curve when I do it with soul. Losing control.
Guilty feet do have rhythm
They just dance to the wrong theme music to amuse the villain.
Instead of killing, I spare the raccoon
And start filling sand bags as I stare at the moon and let the thoughts flood.
Blessed are those who are damned
When the levee broke, how many choked on the steps of a slow dance?
A staircase to a hug with no hands
Accountability hung out to dry on the line of command
We let the thoughts flood
We remind ourselves it’s all right, it’s all good, it’s all love”
It’s not though. Cuz there’s a kink in the armor
A pot hole I’m sinking in, sharing a drink with my father
It’s a family affair, the vanity we share
The water line is rising and all we do is stand there.

Wake up your life
You may never get the chance to make things right
Rather than lie
Take a moment to reflect on what’s gone by
It’s a mistake
There’s no reason I should be so full of guilt
Significant break
So you severed all the ties that we have built

All I know, even though
Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough
Didn’t think about the rest of me
That it was not enough
Tried my hardest with the best of me
But it was not enough
Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough

All mixed up inside
And it’s easy to forget what we should be
It’s useless to hide
I can see to the heart of your insecurity
All of this time
Blaming others for the cause of what we’ve lost
Nothing sublime
I must overcome no matter what the cost

Please give back what s not yours to have
It’s the only thing that I’ve got left
Never was enough to satisfy
And I’m left empty

All I know, even though
Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough
Didn’t think about the rest of me
That it was not enough
Tried my hardest with the best of me
But it was not enough
Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough

Tried to give you what was left of me
But it was not enough
Didn’t think about the rest of me
That it was not enough
Tried my hardest with the best of me
But it was not enough

I’ve been lying awake at night
I’ve been hoping that I’m alright
I’ve been winding myself too tight
Wondering if i will sleep tonight
Never thought things would get like this
Always hoping that they’d work out
Still ingesting the wrong amount
Now I seem to be filled with doubt

I cannot stop this ride
I’m growing cold inside
I shouldn’t let it slide
Will sickness be mine

This should not be my weight to bear
Go on acting like I don’t care
Stop this high-I wouldn’t dare
I have earned and deserve my share
Things like this happen every day
While I’m in there I feel okay
But you say I should get away
Let me go for just one more day

I cannot stop this ride
I’m growing cold inside
I shouldn’t let it slide
Will sickness be mine

Ive got to medicate myself,
I’m not concerned about my health
It covers up what I’ve been dealt,
it seems the only way
Ive got to medicate myself, its been the only thing that helped
Must cover up what I have felt, it seems the only way

I cannot stop this ride
I’m growing cold inside
I shouldn’t let it slide
Will sickness be mine

Sickness is mine,
sickness is mine,
sickness is mine

How can I give in
When I can not let go
Show me the way
How can I get out of this hole?